


I Leave My Heart With You

by Sage (the_ruined_earth_sagelord)



Series: Haikyuu!! One Shots [19]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, hinata is painfully oblivious, kags is gay and needs hinata to know, the feels man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:18:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_ruined_earth_sagelord/pseuds/Sage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I know what you’re thinking.”<br/>Kageyama froze.<br/>Hinata leaned forward, wiping an arm across his mouth. “I’m thinking the same thing.”<br/>Kageyama looked away, out over the court that had been their home-away-from-homes this summer. Did he really know?<br/>“We can probably reach higher on the spike. I just need to jump more. Don’t worry, I’ll get it down.”<br/>Kageyama almost smiled. He closed his eyes, feeling the sun warm his skin.<br/>Of course he didn’t.</p><p>~</p><p>Kageyama is tired of hiding, Hinata is oblivious to everything, and they seriously need to talk. But that won't happen today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Leave My Heart With You

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt was "Alright, I'll leave you alone" for kagehina, and as we all know I'm a SLUT for kagehina, these boys will be the absolute death of me
> 
> Sorry for the radio silence these past few months, I want to get back to my WIPs as badly as you want me to fucking finish them lmao. School's busy and life's hell so we'll see if I can make good on my promise to finally get back to them ;)
> 
> I love you guys so much, I wanna hug all of you <3

 

 

 

“Hey, man, I’m here, where are you?” Kageyama looked around, cell phone held to his ear in one hand, volleyball spinning on a finger of his other. He blew a bubble with the gum he was chewing and let it pop, drawing the gum back into his mouth. “I’m waiting, dumbass.”

“ _Sorry, sorry, I’m coming! Gimme a minute!_ ” Hinata’s voice was breathy, and Kageyama felt only a slight twinge of guilt when he realized that meant Hinata was running while he’d been calling him a dumbass for being late. Only a slight twinge, though.

He popped another bubble from his mouth, walking leisurely along the boardwalk that framed the edge of the beach. He told Hinata what he saw over the phone: ice cream stands, game vendors displaying huge Pikachus, some rides and attractions on the piers extending from the boardwalk. Hinata chimed in with out-of-breath _Whoa!_ ’s and _Gwaah!_ ’s.

Finally, Kageyama saw a blur of orange round a corner further down the boardwalk at top speed, a phone clutched in one hand. Kageyama smirked and hung up, watching the small orange bullet come to a screeching halt and look down at his phone. Then he looked up, eyes wide and concerned.

When they caught sight of Kageyama ambling along, they got even wider, and brighter.

“Kageyama!” Hinata chirped, more like screamed, more like cried across the entire boardwalk, letting every passing stranger know he’d found his friend. Kageyama rolled his eyes, blowing a bubble, and raised his hand over his head, waving to Hinata.

Hinata raced through the crowd, ducking under people’s outstretched arms and sliding around larger adults who never even saw him coming. Kageyama shook his head, almost laughing. The kid was so freaking tiny, how could he be so loud?

“Kageyama!” Hinata squealed again, suddenly right in front of him, and he launched his little body, and Kageyama got a painful reminder that under those pastel crop tops and beanies Kenma liked to give him, Hinata was _heavy_. Lots of practice, lots of volleyball, lots of muscle packed into one string-bean body, and it all came flying at Kageyama, whose bubblegum bubble burst as he opened his mouth to cry out when Hinata came tumbling into him, flailing arms and wiggling legs and whooping at the top of his lungs.

Kageyama stumbled backwards, catching Hinata in his arms while barely catching himself from falling. He grunted, a little startled at Hinata’s burst of affection, but always grateful for it, always guiltily looking forward to it, always craving the next time Hinata might hug him or touch his arm or swat playfully at his head, always looking for excuses to get close, feel that soft hair that even now rustled against his cheek like planetary light in silken strands—

“Bakageyama,” Hinata was saying, and Kageyama suddenly was back on the boardwalk, cellphone in hand, gum stuck to his cheek, and Hinata looking up at him expectantly. _Those eyes, what did they want?_

“You can put me down now, Kageyama.” Hinata laughed.

Oh. Of course.

Face burning, Kageyama shrugged Hinata off him, letting the other boy drop to the boardwalk on his butt. He turned sharply away while Hinata yelped and got back to his feet. “Meanie!” Hinata said. “That wasn’t fair!”

Kageyama picked the gum from his cheek while Hinata caught up with him and fell into stride, taking long, bouncing steps to keep up with Kageyama’s longer legs. He smiled widely at everything around them, the colors and noises, the rides and games, the caramel apples, cotton candy, American hot dogs, more traditional Japanese foods, the smells and tantalizing, mouth-watering tastes that drifted through the air and coated the back of the tongue, calling to your tastebuds and gurgling stomach. Hinata jumped around, pointing things out, begging to go here, there, no _there_. Kageyama simply rolled his eyes, and steered Hinata towards one of the farther piers.

They were heading for a pier that was near the end of the boardwalk, mostly populated with sports centers and a launching pad for jet skis into the ocean right off the end of the pier. One of the centers had a volleyball court, where they’d agreed to meet for practice during summer months. It was already their fifth time here, but Hinata seemed overwhelmed and excited by the boardwalk every time they came, eager to check out the rides and games.

“Buy your own Charizard at the store, dumbass,” Kageyama was always telling him, when Hinata would point out a game and beg Kageyama to win him a stuffed Pokemon. It usually ended up with them getting into an argument because “That’s not a Charizard, Bakageyama, it’s a Charmander!” and Kageyama would insist that “Either way, you can get them at a regular store, dumbass, you don’t need to waste your money here!” until they dissolved into wrestling and throwing cotton candy and the game vendors asked them to leave.

They reached the volleyball court without Hinata asking for too many prizes, and together they stretched, chatting about their summers, laughing together in the holy silence of the court, beautiful and sacred before they could scar it with the scuff of their shoes and the panting of their lungs. Light from the sun swept in through the high-set windows, splashing soft and golden over the net.

Kageyama finished his stretching and tossed his gum into the trashcan between the benches. “Ready?” he asked.

Hinata jumped up, grinning. “Always!” he chirped. He ducked his head under his hands, and suddenly his crop top was wiggling its way up his body, over his head, and into his hands. He dropped it gracefully on the bench. He stood bare-chested, in nothing else but his running shoes and joggers, and beamed up at Kageyama. “Kenma made me swear not to practice in his shirts, otherwise I might ruin them.”

Kageyama nodded casually, but internally he could hear a faint voice screaming to the gods above. “Cool, yeah that’s a good idea.” He grabbed the hem of his shirt, then lost sight of Hinata as he, too, stripped his top. He tossed it on the bench and grabbed the volleyball. “Let’s go, we’ve got a lot to practice.”

Kageyama tried. He really did try. He probably gave himself an A for effort, because oh, did he try. He set beautifully, his timing was perfect, he was on top of his game and he knew it. His blood raced through him like fire consuming a body, and he was lightning. Hinata hit every single toss without fail. His spike was the thunderous boom that came after Kageyama’s lightning toss, and it split the sacred silence of the court like death bells tolling for all their opponents.

But for all his effort, all his concentration on how well they were doing, all his determination to focus solely on the game, on practice, _he couldn’t drag his eyes away from Hinata’s body_.

The way the dense muscles in his legs contracted when he jumped. Sinews twisting and flexing, abs hardening when he spiked, the bicep in his swinging arm bulging slightly when he made contact with the ball. The way his back _stretched_ as he flew. His eyes were like a wild fire, his mouth set in a fierce, terrible grimace as he obliterated every toss, sending it hurtling over the net, then opening in a ferocious roar of triumph at every connection. Veins in his neck straining. He was a machine, small and compact, powerful. He was glorious, he was radiant, sweat shimmering around him like a golden halo.

Eventually, even Kageyama couldn’t take it.

He caught the ball, breathing hard. “Enough,” he rasped. When Hinata looked up at him, he cleared his throat. “For now,” he corrected himself. They would never end this early. The sun was still up. “Let’s take a quick break.”

Hinata’s look of concern instantly broke like clouds under the sun, and he smiled. “Sure! Let’s get some water.”

They collapsed onto the bench side-by-side, heaving huge breaths, wiping the sweat from their foreheads with their arms. The chugged water from their bottles, gasping, their breath coming in hot puffs.

Kageyama watched as Hinata took a deep swig of water, his amber eyes closed, a drop of sweat trickling down his temple. The way the pale column of his throat bobbed as he swallowed made Kageyama nervous of a roiling _something_ shifting deep within his body, like something stirring in the great depths, rising to claim him and drag him down, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to come back once he went down there. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He wasn’t sure of anything there in the sunlight of the silent gym, the two of them seated next to each other on the benches at center court, their whole world laid out before them on each side of the net.

The whole world laid out before Kageyama right there at his side.

He looked down at Hinata. The other boy was leaning back against the bench, arms stretched out. God, he looked so good. It made Kageyama physically weak to think of Hinata in that position, Kageyama dragging those joggers down, watching Hinata’s face getting red and flustered…

Hinata peeked an eye open and caught Kageyama looking at him. He smiled, that dazzling beam of direct sunlight, and Kageyama could only stare.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

Kageyama froze.

Hinata leaned forward, wiping an arm across his mouth. “I’m thinking the same thing.”

Kageyama looked away, out over the court that had been their home-away-from-homes this summer. _Did he really know?_

“We can probably reach higher on the spike. I just need to jump more. Don’t worry, I’ll get it down.”

Kageyama almost smiled. He closed his eyes, feeling the sun warm his skin.

_Of course he didn’t_.

“What is it?”

Kageyama opened his eyes again, glancing down at Hinata. Hinata was staring up at him, a tiny crease between his brows, his mouth slightly frowning. “Kageyama, what is it? What’s wrong?

And with that question, months, no, maybe a year, maybe more, years of wrestling with himself in the dark of his mind, of grappling with how wrong it was supposed to be, of how this isn’t what he was supposed to think of his friend, his teammate, his partner, it all came to a head, and he realized he was tired, he was so exhausted of this, he just wanted to say it, just wanted it to be done—

“That isn’t what I was thinking, dumbass.”

Hinata’s frown deepened. “Well, what were you thinking of?”

He couldn’t. He could feel the rising beast, the great creature from the depths, and it wanted to grab his body, his heart, his soul, drag him down, down, deeper than he’d ever allowed himself to go, and he wanted to break through the surface so badly, he wanted to plunge headfirst into deeper waters, but he couldn’t, he would lose Hinata, he couldn’t admit it, not to himself, not to Hinata, not to anyone, he couldn’t say it, _he couldn’t say it_ —

Kageyama laughed, but it was more like a breath of exhaustion, a planetary sigh, and it was so quiet. “I was thinking of a lot more than you jumping, Hinata,” he said, and he stood from the bench, walking away towards the court.

Hinata stood, too. Slowly. Painfully. “What…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. Kageyama knew better than anyone that the impression that Hinata was stupid was an enormous misconception. He wasn’t only fast on the court. His mind was sharp, agile, like his body. He could piece things together as quick as he could smash past the most powerful blockers. As quick as he could grab your heart with his smile and crush it under his boot with his ignorance. He was smart. Of course he was. But he really was incredibly, incredibly stupid if he’d honestly never figured anything out until now.

“What do you mean, Kageyama?” Hinata’s voice wavered dangerously. Cautiously. And Kageyama knew that tone, knew there was absolutely no going back, knew that however deep the waters got, he was treading them alone now.

He turned back to face Hinata. His feet were in the court, Hinata’s at the inbound line, hovering at the edge but never stepping in to join him.

“I think about a lot more than just your jumping, Hinata,” Kageyama said wearily. He was so tired, tired from months of denying, of hiding, of lying. “And honestly, I know you’ve guessed that.”

Hinata recoiled, but Kageyama could see from the widening of Hinata’s eyes that he was right. “You—” Hinata hesitated, licking his lips. “You… _think_ about me?”

Kageyama laughed that little breath again. A slight exhalation from the chest. A surrender. “All the time,” he whispered.

“Kageyama—”

“It’s alright,” Kageyama said. He turned away from Hinata, shoulders hunching. “I don’t want anything from you. I don’t know _what_ I want. I just wanted you to know. I… _needed_ you to know.”

Hinata didn’t say anything, his mouth open slightly, his shoulder slouched, his whole body slack like he’d been punched in the gut. His face was the worst. He had a look of worry, a look of confusion, a look of desperation.

A look of fear.

Kageyama walked back to the bench and grabbed his shirt.

“It’s alright,” he said again, and he knew this was the last time he’d hear from Hinata this summer, the last time they’d look at each other like friends, like partners. “I’ll leave you alone.”

He walked across the court, back towards the gym door, his whole body aching as if they’d finished the practice set, his whole soul yearning that Hinata would say something, anything besides that awful, horrified silence.

There was no other sound in the gym except the squeak of his shoes. It was as if Hinata wasn’t there, like he’d faded far beyond Kageyama’s reach. Maybe he had. Without turning to look back at him, Kageyama opened the gym doors, and left, just as the sun finally set behind the dunes on the beach, and darkness took the sea.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love my boys and for some reason that means I love making them hurt :')
> 
> legendarysagehalfblood.tumblr.com
> 
> Come scream to me about these dumb boys I CAN'T WAIT FOR SEASON THREE YO!!!!!!


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